Thursday, April 9, 2015

Yesterday's Poem

Yesterday I cut loose. After months of being sick and feeling this enormous pressure to fix myself and fix my diet and refrain and work and keep up, I just wanted to feel free. Now, I'm thirty-seven and know better than to go completely wild. But there is this enormous part of me who thrives on spontaneity and change and rebellion. I can't survive unless every so often I just say, "FUCK IT" and dye my hair or paint naked or stay up excessively late or drink too much or do something just completely against the rules. But my wild looks different than it used to, and there is no denying the reality of the current situation, so my wild yesterday combined herb, a cheeseburger, wine and watching Louie. It was glorious. But I didn't finish my poem for yesterday. But maybe that was part of the rebellion - saying fuck it even to my own rules, my own plans. This is the constant state of frustration I live in - setting goals and structures for myself and then rebelling against them and the constraints. Perhaps, just like uncertainty, this is a quality I have to grow to love about myself and somehow use to my advantage. 

Without further ado, a poem from yesterday about living every minute. Ah, so perfect.

April 8 - Poem 8

Get it Down

It goes so fast
They tell you
You better write it all
Treasure every thing they say
Photograph every crawl
They'll be grown in a blink
It’s over before you think
And then you’ll miss
potties and food
toddler tantrums
and wily moods
Cherish every minute
Try to stay right in it
Give em hugs and note their words
Soon the coup will be flown
And goodbye little birds

Your years too are going to fly
They’re sailing out the window
While you are trying to “get by”
Grey hair, rumpled body
Unrecognizable, bizarre
Wrinkles and issues
Mortgages and cars
So, while you're in it
And they're growing fast
Notice your own growth too
Capture yourself as much as you can
You’re going to miss you
You'll be ninety-seven
And then you'll wonder why
You hated being you
While you could fucking try

Cherish the children,
Memories we want to last
But cherish also
You with them
And your own thoughts
Going fast
We're all moving at lightning speed
It's all going to end
So live it, and write it
Get it down
Hug your people
Your friend
Write a letter
Post it now
Start that blog
Or book or trend
Enjoy yourself
Enjoy your hair
And don’t your self eschew
Cause when they’re grown
And you’re all alone
You’ll want to remember you

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