"To journey for the sake of saving our own lives is little by little to cease to live in any sense that really matters, even to ourselves, because it is only by journeying for the world's sake - even when the world bores and sickens and scares you half to death - that little by little we start to come alive.”
― Frederick Buechner
I have been seeing it all wrong.
Aurora, Marco's amazing cousin, and I were discussing marriage. She stated that after the first three years, as long as the romantic "honeymoon" stage will take you, marriage and loving someone becomes a choice, sometimes daily, sometimes minute by minute. Life is the same.
We're told, marketed, this idea that our lives all deserve certain things:
A tremendous romance
A passionate vocation
To be young and beautiful
We think that if we don't have that, life is dissatisfying. We think that when we've lost one, our identity ceases to be what it was.
Who am I?
Does my body matter?
Does it matter if I am romanced the way I see in movies?
Does every meal have to be what I want?
Is it even good to have comfort all the time?
What makes me feel stable and can I be stable without those things?
Can I find joy, stability and a sense of being completely okay with me if my house is a mess, I fail at my job, my husband is angry with me, I put on 20+ pounds?
Is me the woman in the photos?
Is me the woman on the phone with a friend?
Is me the woman that one person despises?
Is me the fun person who brings life to the party?
Is being a party girl me?
Is being a stable mom me?
Is being hardworking me?
Is getting back into bed me?
And do I even have a right to know? Aren't there enough needs in the world that perhaps I ought to drop the baggage of this self-obsession and get on with the business of helping the world?
I don't DESERVE anything. I am just another human on Earth, built for survival, reckoning with the brevity of life. There's no schwag bag that comes with the life party! Your gift is this: you get to fucking live here on Earth. Have you seen it? Have you tasted the water that falls from the sky? Pretty amazing. Have you felt the warm sun on your face? Stupefyingly brilliant.
You're not owed a damn thing. Now quit whining and grab a fucking broom. Start helping.