I was just watching the Instructional DVD that came with the Ergo Baby Carrier that our friends gave us for Maya’s first birthday. And I’m all inspired to be a great earth-loving hippy mom. But I’m just not sure why yoga music doesn’t play while I’m going about my daily activities. I’m going to have to speak with my Producer and put in a request that the soundtrack of my life include some very tranquil music. Because, after watching the video I am convinced that music is the one thing that stands between me and absolute bliss. But not just any music. It has to be the kind of music that makes you feel like you’re in an Ergo Baby Instructional DVD and that your life is all about motherhood and the earth and loving everyone, including yourself. This music has to make me okay with the stretch marks and sagging boobs and make me feel as though motherhood were the most natural thing in the world. It is. That’s what the DVD told me, anyway. You can breastfeed at an office supply store. You can wear your baby 24/7 and everyone is completely happy.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I freaking love this Ergo Baby Carrier. And I truly do believe it has totally changed our lives. It’s comfortable, easy to use and totally and completely practical. I think every mother should be given an Ergo and a Flip Video. They should be on every single Baby Registry in the world. If you don’t own them, immediately go out and buy them. The original Flip Video will run you $130, and the Ergo Carrier will cost you $105. I didn’t pay for either of these items, so it is easy for me to tell you to go buy them. I mean, what is $240 in the scheme of things?
That being said, I still have to laugh at the Instructional DVD. Mostly I do because there is this enormous part of me that thinks that pleasant, blissful lifestyle is totally attainable. If I just practice my awareness and let go of the ego and strap my baby to my body, everything will be okay, right? Why is it that some people just seem to have the whole level-headed, patient, wholesome thing in the bag? Why is it that I get so frustrated when Maya curls her toes and won’t let me put on her shoes? Why can’t I be all earthy and go-with-the-flowy and go about life in this spirit of brotherly love and tranquility? I wanna!!! I wanna real bad!!! Can’t I go buy that somewhere? Is there some book that will teach me how to let go of all my issues and just be the person I desperately want to be??? PLEASE!!! Didn’t Deepok Chopra or Dr. Wayne Dyer figure it out for the rest of us? Isn’t there some pill I can take? I’m just really tired of sucking so much. I’m tired of being angry and frustrated and self centered and totally un-centered. Seriously.
I haven’t posted for a while because I haven’t felt very inspired. Or if I do, in some brief moment in my day, I end up forgetting about it by the time I get home, make dinner, clean up, and get Maya in bed. I remember being inspired all the time. I remember hearing conversations in a café and trying to write them down to try and capture people and culture. I thought of this yesterday while riding the Metro. This woman next to me was talking on her cell phone. I wasn’t totally annoyed, but I was less than thrilled because I really just wanted to read my book. I finally gave up reading and just sat there. And then I started listening. And I suddenly wanted to write down her every word. She was catching up with a friend on her way home. She was in gym clothes, so maybe she had worked out after work and was going home to cook some dinner. I don’t know. She was about 45 or 50, maybe older. She seemed like a genuinely sweet woman. She was listening to her friend talk about her life and was sounding off about different things. She was excited about her friend’s renovations and disheartened by an issue with her child. Then she started sharing her own life. I was delighted to get this window into her life. Someone she knows is taking Wellbutrin, but it’s not working. I found myself completely enraptured in her life and desperately wishing I could follow her home as a fly on the wall and see her feed her cats or pull weeds or switch over her laundry. It was so freeing to be completely outside of my own life and thinking about someone else and wondering about her existence. And it felt so wonderful to be inspired.
So, maybe the answer really is in the Ergo Baby Carrier. Maybe I just strap Maya to my back and go out into the world and be inspired. Maybe I eat yogurt at Whole Foods and listen to the people talk. Maybe I go to the park and listen to the mothers with their children. Maybe I buy a recorder and try to capture these snippets of conversation.
Awe. Jewel is on the radio. I love her. She makes me feel possible too. Maybe I can write a novel some day. Maybe Maya will sit on my hip and eat organic snacks and let me type. Maybe. It’s possible, right?