Thursday, March 6, 2008

No Hope

Sadness hangs on my shoulders like a heavy coat.
How can this be happening?
I stare at the computer.
I find myself repeating tasks over and over, not cognisant of what I am doing.
Is there a God?
I want to scream. I want to call the authorities. I want to go out and march in protest.
But God doesn't pay much attention to picket lines.
The police can't arrest God.

I continue to look at pictures of Maya.
They may never have this joy.
At least not now. And probably not for a very long time.
Pain and sadness will be part of our lives - will float in the air and sit heavy in our stomachs.
How can we say goodbye to a person we never knew?
Will we know him?
Where will his soul go?

So, God, if you're listening...

You got some splaining to do.

Are we just out here in this random universe hoping for the best in utter chaos?

I want answers, damnit.

I cry intermittently throughout the day. I just don't understand.
Can you heal him? Can a miracle happen? Can you grant them peace?
You better do something. Not that I can do anything - but I'll just be really mad at you. I already am. Why would you do this to someone? Why would you cause a child to suffer for no reason? Is there reason?

Here's your big chance to show me you give a damn. Don't blow it. Please. I have no faith already - do you even care? No - I guess not. I'm just hanging on to the idea of faith. I'm hoping someone else can believe.

I believe in miracles.
I believe in miracles.
I believe in miracles.

Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.

1 comment:

Seven_Shades_of_Red said...

I don't know what has you so upset, but it is very evident that something is wrong. I hope you can find this faith you're in search of and find peace. God does things we don't always understand and that doesn't mean He hates you or anyone else. Good luck, sweetie!

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